Why I Took the Towel

I've decided to be baptized. Again.

My church has just started the series Not A Fan. Completely. Committed. Follower. It's based on a book written by Kyle Idleman. It's very challenging and really quite funny. Basically, in the Bible Jesus wasn't looking for half-hearted people who merely believed in him. But, he was looking for people who were willing to follow him. People who will surrender to him, to let him change them.

When I was a little I accepted Jesus into my heart. I grew up in the church and learned at an early age that I was a sinner, God sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sins and I could never have a relationship without having a relationship with Him. Some time later, still as a child, I was baptized in water. For a long time, Satan has made me doubt my decision because I made it at such a young age. But, as I look back I see how the Holy Spirit has been changing me throughout the years. I've also really enjoyed the realization of this verse recently.

"Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Mark 10:15

I continued to be active in the church throughout my youth. When I went to college, I kind of decided I wanted to do my own thing for a while. I knew deep down that my party lifestyle wouldn't fulfill me. I was really miserable. I suffered severe panic attacks in college and pretty miserable. I begged God to take them away, but I don't really think I ever asked him to walk me through it. I just didn't want to have to live through the suffering. Looking back, if I had that experience right now in my life, I think I would handle it much better. I've learned about asking God to help me through my problems and I've learned about a humility that comes out of desperation when you realize you are NOT GOOD ENOUGH to handle any of it on your own, much less get into heaven. I have my children to thank for that epiphany (and of course, God). It really is a huge blessing when you reach a point of humility and let God take over the problems you can't fix by yourself.

After college I gave up the lifestyle and decided to get back on track with God. But, I still feel like I held back a part of my life from him. I also said I was done dating for a while and met my husband a month later. There's something about quitting trying that makes things happen!

We were pretty active in church when we got married. We got a great start to our marriage and years of parenting. But after a while, we started to taper off of going to church. For probably a couple of years I half-heartedly went to church. In fact, I kind of avoided God even when I was there, always fearing what He might ask me to do. I still volunteered and did a quiet time every now and again, but there was no real growth in my life that I could see at the time. This was a huge season of doubt for me. Looking back at my journals, I can still see God's hand and the work that he did in my life through that time when I felt there was no growth whatsoever.

You see, maybe I was more than a fan before college, but through about the last 10 or so years I've really been just a fan of Jesus. I've always thought He was great, always appreciated His sacrifice, volunteered in church, went to church a little, could quote you scripture and tell you what's Bible. I even lived a pretty moral life. But, I wasn't really a committed follower and I wasn't really letting God in to change me in all areas.

Thankfully, we found an incredible church that teaches heavily from Scripture. I quit my full time job and became active in church quickly. Once I started getting heavy into the Word of God I started to notice the change in my life. Previously I had been involved in many Bible Studies, you know the kind where you buy a book and read a couple Bible verses referenced in the book. This is not a Bible Study in my opinion and not a great way to grow consistently. God's Word is what changes you the most.

I've reached a point in my life where my faith has become more to me than just what I grew up with. I've always believed it and have been changed by it. But, I reached a point of humility this year and it was such a blessing because that's when I started to really change. Something about God just became more real. The power of the Holy Spirit in my life became more real.

I'm not ok with being a fan any more. I want to be a follower of Jesus. I can't imagine my life without the peace He gives me from my anxiety, without the insight from His Word, without the ability to overcome anger, bitterness, the ability to forgive. God has also increased my ability to love and help others in need. This transformation has been going on for a long time, but it's really taken off in the last year or so.

Last week in church, they had stacks of towels sitting on the stage. Our pastor talked a lot about baptism and I really felt a tugging at my heart. He said when you get baptized you should be able to say the following things:
1. I'm going public
2. I Choose Jesus (over everything else)
3. I am completely surrendered (baptism is the physical act that demonstrates our decision to die to ourselves and follow Jesus)

So, when they asked if anybody needed to come grab a towel, I did. As a sign of my complete surrender to God and my decision to follow Jesus. I grabbed a towel because I want to be baptized again as an adult now that my faith has become more real to me. It doesn't mean that I think my former confession of faith was not real, it's more of a re-commitment, a total commitment.

I wonder how many of my friends are fans, and how many are followers. Or maybe you don't know Him at all. I hope you'll call me if have questions about becoming a follower of Christ.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ Matthew 7:21-23