How to Make Mac N Cheese

Make sandwich for kid #1, scratch that, make 2 swawiches, with pb and j, cut every piece of crust off so sandwich is not mutilated. While making sandwich, chase kid #1 back to their room, where they're supposed to be, 6 times.

When kid #1 sits down to eat, proceed to put kid #2 in booster seat. Scratch that. Booster seat is wet. Oh my, is that PEE? Are you kidding me? Clean up questionable substance. Hope whatever is all over the table is water.

Put water in pot on stove for kid #2 dinner.

Take kid #2 off kitchen table. Take to bed for time out.

Dump Mac N Cheese in pot of water. Ponder what you will feed your kids tomorrow since the bread is all gone.

Go to garage to get something, chase kid #1 off the top of your car since you were followed out to the garage.

Go get kid #2 out of bed. Lay on floor to put back diaper that has been torn off. Fight Spiderman  kid #1 off your back while applying diaper. Go back to kitchen. Get out milk and butter.

Stop what you're doing, put milk jug on floor and reapply diaper. Again. Take kid #2 to room, reach for painters tape behind you, reattach diaper tab that has now been pulled off. Proceed with a strip of painters tape across front of diaper.

Proceed to mixing Mac N Cheese. When partially mixed, go back to kid #2 and replace diaper again. Decide to be obnoxious. Go to garage for duct tape. This will take about 10". Watch kid #2 try to take diaper off again. Laugh a little. Go ahead, enjoy yourself. Make mental note to remove tape before kid #2 goes to bed so you don't have to worry about strangulation.

Proceed to mixing Mac N Cheese. Come around corner a couple times to remove kid #2 off the top of kid #1. Stick some frozen peaces in the microwave. Fiddle with the thaw function. You have no idea how it works. Keep pushing buttons.

Sit down for a moment while both kids run to other room. Write a blog in your head as you go, laughing all the way. Your Mac N Cheese is now done. Put it on a plate. Wait for children to return. Yell at kid #1 to take your pillows back to your bed. Tell him not to jump on them in kitchen floor.

Put kid #2 in chair. Not the booster, it's drying. Watch her eat, wave back at her when she waves at you with that adorable little hand. Chase her off the table. Say a prayer, there's still 23 more hours in a day.

When all is finished watch kid #2, with duct taped diaper, sit on floor and feed scraps to the dog.