Misplaced Hope

My hope is in the wrong place and I'm not sure how to move it.

Two years ago, Beemer was in day care when he ran teeth first into a shelf. I know, I know, it takes talent to run yourself into a shelf and have it hit you directly above your front two teeth.

{Fast forward six months}

We visit our very well loved dentist to find that he now has an associate who is doing our exam. She takes an x-ray, comes back and says he has an infection and you're gonna need to pull his front tooth.

{Enter freak out mode}

I decide not to have his front two teeth pulled without a second opinion. Oh yeah, did you catch that discrepancy? I did too, after I looked at her paperwork and found that she actually wanted to pull BOTH his front teeth.

{Enter Bible Study prayer request}

I head over to a well respected, highly recommended dentist who told me she saw no infection. It did not need to be pulled, but to watch it for signs of an abscess (pimple on the gums, puss, pain, etc). If it ever developed an abscess it would need to be pulled unless, by a rare chance, antibiotics could kick it out.

{Fast forward 18 months}

Beemer heads to the dentist for his regular checkup. They find a couple cavities, one of which is in his front, dying, tooth. Since it's not bothering him and has shown no infection we go for having it fixed. This is going to require a minimum of 30 minutes anesthesia, most likely more.

So I hope. I hope for a minimum of 30 minutes anesthesia. I hope for no additional cavities. Neither of which happen. Additional cavities are there and we are sent into not only an additional 30 minutes of anesthesia, but an additional 60. The good news, that dying teeth no longer looks gray because it and the tooth next to it have brand new crowns.

{Fast forward 1 month and bookoos upon bookoos of dollars}

The crown isn't meeting up to the gums on the front, dying tooth so I take Beemer for a follow up at the dentist. He takes an xray and says "Good thing we xrayed it!" Not what I wanted to hear. He has an abscess. One month after surgery.

So I hope. I hope the antibiotics will kill it. I hope we don't have to have his front two teeth pulled. I hope to not have a 4 year old with a huge gap in his mouth. I hope to not drop a couple hundred more at the dentist, those that's like pocket change at this point.

{Fast forward three days}

My hope is squashed. He's woken up with pussy gums three days in a row. The doctor says we're probably going to need to take them out. We decide to ride it out over the weekend. Six days into the meds the puss goes away. I am convinced he has been healed by the Almighty.

So I hope. I hope that he is healed. I hope that when I call the dentist they will tell me he is probably going to be fine. But they don't and my hope is shattered like a broken mirror. They tell me we need to schedule it to have the teeth pulled. I don't understand, the puss is gone. He says it doesn't hurt. They say they will xray it first, but we schedule the pulling.

So, what am I left to hope for? When I think there's a fighting chance to keep his teeth I HOPE! When my hope is gone I lay on the couch bawling my eyes out as though they have told me something much worse. I'm actually considering family photos before the teeth are gone.

My hope is in the wrong place and I need to move it. I can't keep hoping in good outcomes. Good outcomes are faulty. I can only hope in God. I can hope and believe that somehow, some way this is part of a master plan to make us more like Him. I want to protect my baby from heartache and physical pain, but I have to let God mold him to be a grown man some day. A grown man who knows how to deal with heartache and physical pain. I can't hope for anything in this world, because this world will always let me down.

My hope is in the wrong place. I think I'm going to have to let go of all my perfect plans before I can move it.

"I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word." Psalm 119:47

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11