How to Eat A Waffle

Mix up your batter and proceed to making waffles in the iron. Put off feeding your PT (potty training) child until all the food is ready in anticipation that she will take a poo while she's eating. Be prepared to whisk her away to the potty while eating your food.

Put food on the table for both children and prepare the perfect waffle to butter to syrup ratio on your own waffle. Pour milk for yourself and your older child, which will later be dumped in the sink when he decides he wants water.

Look at the table. Realize the time has come, as you knew it would, that PT child would poo while eating. Whisk her away as planned. Disinfect. Put child back at table in new seat.

Walk towards your perfectly buttered and syruped waffles. Put your hand on your milk glass. Hear PT child asking for more milk in her sippy. Forget your waffles and provide said milk.

Walk back towards your waffles again. Put your hand on your plate. Hear older child requesting more waffle. Forget your waffles and put more batter on the waffle iron. Tell him NO when he says he wants your waffle. Cut up the waffle, put it on his plate and start eating.

Eat a few bites. Eat quick, now, PT child will momentarily run out of waffle and request more. Leave your waffles again, which are now cold, and start another waffle for PT child.

Return to table, eat a few bites. Return to kitchen, remove and cut up waffle, put it on PT child's plate. Resume eating. Hear PT child say "peepee" and look down at her chair. Forget your perfect soggy waffles, clean up pee. Disinfect. Clean up child.

Head back to table. Answer older child by giving him your remaining waffle when he asks you if you're done. Remember why you frequently wait until 8 or 9 pm to eat dinner.

Repeat every time you want to eat. Think about how cute he was when he asked you if you were done with your waffle. Try to remember the few success PT child had today and hope for more tomorrow.

As always, pray, there are 23 hours left in a day.