Wish I Had

A few months back we came home with this paper monster robot thing in a happy meal. It's one of those that requires a lot of parental guidance a parent to do it for them. Beemer picked it up several times and asked me to do it with him. "Not right now baby," "Not today," "Mommy can't right now." Here we are a few months later and that robot is still sitting there. Untouched. After a while he forgot about it. Occasionally he picks it up and I throw out another too busy excuse.

Days like today are harsh reminders that I don't want to wish I had. I don't want to wish I had finished that robot the first time he asked me.

I don't want to wish I had taken more pictures, or been less worried about them being perfect and more worried about capturing the moment.

I don't want to wish I had volunteered less to others and more in my home.

I don't want to wish I had read the book he picked instead of picking a shorter one for him.

I don't want to wish I had done laundry instead of laying in the middle of the garage floor, on a stray piece of carpet when I was invited there by my children.

I don't want to wish I had been more tender and less irritated.

I don't want to wish I had spent less time looking at a screen and more time looking at real life.


I've always tried to live this way with my children. I don't want to live in fear, but I often ask myself how I would feel about this decision if tomorrow didn't come for someone in my family. I try to live this way with my husband. When he became a police officer I realized I could make the most of our time together by picking my battles and not wasting time fighting. We don't have much of it and if the worst ever happens I don't want to wish I had.

Like many of the rest of you, I laid in bed and snuggled my little boy a little longer tonight. Tomorrow morning, I'll be making a robot. Because I don't want to wish I had.